Almond Sandies

Saturdays seem to have such great potential on Friday.

I always have these super lofty expectations of productivity for Saturday while lying in bed on Friday night.

Then Saturday comes…

Saturday morning rolls around and you get up and try to do something, but you’re tired, then you realize you never changed your bedroom clock so it’s actually 8 am not 9 am, so you go get back in the bed, but you eat a piece of fudge first, because you’re a terrible person, but not really, and you lay in the bed staring at the wall for 20 minutes, then decide that if you’re gonna get up to pee you might as well just get up for real… you take some pictures of food, you upload pictures of food, you edit pictures of food, you eat some food, you see that yet again ABC Family has done you a disgusting disjustice by sticking a Harry Potter Weekend on a weekend that you’re supposed to be really busy, then you wonder why disjustice isn’t actually a real word when it sounds so legit and why you aren’t actually being really busy yet, you try to prep yourself for going to the gym because working out will put you in a good mode of productivity and because you’re the type of person eating fudge for breakfast… so in the end you’re sitting around in dirty sweat pants because you hate doing laundry, and somehow it’s almost 12 pm on Saturday and you’ve yet to do much of anything at all besides create an epic run-on sentence.

Which was kinda fun. Welcome to my life.

Okay see, it’s the end of the semester… and that means college is a slightly horrifying place to be. But whatever.
For some reason instead of stress, my brain goes through spasms.

So I figure if maybe I release a few of these rando thoughts clouding my noggin right now, then I can plow on through and be a good student and get back to more important aspects of life. Like cookies.

Here we go. Humor me…

Someone in my apartment smells insanely good right now. It’s definitely not me.

I wish I’d stuck with playing the violin in 4th grade. I might be decent by now.

I never paid my parking ticket. I don’t think I’m going to. Please let parking be legal today. Getting towed is so gonna ruin this weekend.

I have to find a way to become a Youtube sensation. Rap battle baking tutorials could work.

Rihanna is probably super rude in person. Rude girl.

The weather hasn’t been appropriately cold for me to wear my footie pajamas yet. Shame.  Few images are as humorous as a giant wearing a onsie.

Why does my left forearm hurt so bad all of a sudden? Is that your heart attack arm?

People at the gym are about to laugh at my hair. I laughed at my hair. I look like I have a door knob on top of my head. Still not redoing it.

How do you plan for retirement? What if you die before retirement?

There’s no reason for the Plain White T’s to be popping up on my Pandora shuffle list. Skip.

Son of a biscuit I have got to pee so bad. BRB.

My feet are abnormally unattractive. I could glue fur on them and pretend to be a jumbo-sized hobbit. Cute?

I accidentally left Mexican food in my car for like 2 hours last night. That’s gonna smell ultra pleasant.

I did lunges yesterday and now my haunches hurt. I can’t decide how I feel about that. Sore I guess.

My leftover cold coffee is gonna be amazing this afternoon.

Who invented ovens?

I should have 2 pet peacocks when I grow up. People would know me as the batty old peacock lady.

It would be so cool to be Giada giada De Laurentiis’s kid. Except learning to spell your last name.

I’d suck to be Rachel Ray’s kid. Significantly easier last name though.

Monday is scary. Don’t think about Monday.

I seriously need to buy new tennis shoes. And  cookie cutters.

Pecan Sandies were always my mom’s favorite commercial cookie. Bet she likes these better. Hope you like these better. I like these better.

Almond Sandies

  • 1 cup butter, softened
  • 1 cup vegetable oil
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 cup confectioners’ sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon almond extract
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 2 eggs
  • 4 1/2 cups all purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon cream of tartar
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 cups sliced almonds

Preheat the oven at 350 degrees F.

Cream the butter,oil and sugars in a large mixing bowl.  Beat in the extracts. Add the eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition.

In a food processor, pulse 1 cup of the sliced almonds until finely chopped (but do not over process into a paste). Combine flour, baking soda, cream of tartar, ground almonds and salt in a separate bowl. Gradually add to the sugar mixture. Stir in the remaining almond slices.

Drop by teaspoonfuls, 2-inches apart, onto ungreased baking sheets. Bake until golden brown, about 10 to 12 minutes. Remove from the oven to a wire rack to cool before serving.

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